The Salaryman, The Yakuza and The Host Boy.: アーカイブ

You are so ridiculous. What's with the racial profiling? 'the Japanese do this' 'the Japanese think that'. You're just as racist as people you claim are to you.

As I always try to say in my posts, I am stereotyping.

That’s what people do.

I sometimes agree with stereotypes and I sometimes disagree.

From my personal experience, some stereotypes of how Japanese people act are true. The same as how my stereotypes of Americans, Canadians and French etc, are sometimes true and false depending on my personal experiences.

I’m not going to sit and explain every situation when they are pretty similar.

The stereotype that Japanese people don’t speak their true feelings; as I said have proved to me as being a lot more common than the opposite.

On another note, most of the things regarding my post’s about the BF, are his own personal uses of ‘Japanese people’. I wasn’t offended that he thinks white people are like this or like that, I was offended that he felt that me BEING white was an issue. Not regards to any belief or suggestion that I’d be like this because I’m white.

Everyone has assumptions and schema’s based on their experiences and knowledge. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t.

The issue isn’t that I’m being stereotyped. That is just something you have to expect in everyday life. It’s the fact that my race was an issue. Different issue completely anon.

Feb 22, 20110 notes

The argument

So, I’m letting the issue slide.

Not because I love him. Not because I want to give him another chance. Not for anything like that.

I’m letting it go because well, I am giving him the benefit of that doubt that he purely didn’t express his feelings in English very well. Yeah, I know. Terrible.

When we spoke about it in person he was a mess of contradictions which has made me pretty cautious in trusting him now. So I’m taking a step back and maybe I’m not going to be as open. One minute, it was because I was English. Then, it was how he was as a Japanese and it wouldn’t matter if I was English or not. Either way, no matter of race, he felt his friends would feel uncomfortable. His reasoning for this was because they were ‘typical Japanese people’ who care too much about the dynamics of the group and situation.

When I started shouting, it pretty much turned into a mess of language failure. Every time he tried to explain himself, he was stutter and pause, pretty much not make any sense at all.

To be honest, I understand. When I got angry my ability to do anything but swear and shout in English happened. Even though I knew the recipients English was not to the level of swear words and obscenities I was directing towards them. But I just couldn’t form anything in Japanese to express myself like I felt I had to. I feel like it’s the same, he just couldn’t say what he meant.

I forced him to start writing down what he wanted to say. I wrote my reply’s too. It was easier to understand but he was still being a dick.

The last excuse he used was that he thought I might get jealous of his friends.

WTF? ! Hello paranoia?

Overall, at the end of the conversation I just didn’t care any more. I didn’t want to meet them. I didn’t want to see them. I didn’t even want to spend as much time with him any more.

He pulled out a card from his bag and handed it to me saying nothing but; “Tbh, I thought I wouldn’t be able to express myself well….”

The card was pretty much spot on to the points I was trying to make, he’d realised why I was angry and realised how he’d have to change his actions.

He realised he used excuses too much, because he didn’t like being so abrupt and honest with his reasons. He realised that his excuses often sounded worse to me than his true feelings. That using excuses like he has done, was pretty much un-needed and stupid.

He noticed that his true feelings, even if worse than an excuse, was better off annoying me but being grateful of his honesty. Then lying to try and soften the blow. (I’m not talking about the English equvilent of white lies here)

He realised that him being a part of my friends lives and my life so fully, had positively effected his life. My friends helped him out. He felt closer to me because he was close with my friends and apologised for not giving me the same chances.

He explained how he’d never introduced any girlfriends at all to his close friends and thought that was just the way things were done by everyone, in every relationship.

Overall. It’s not a second chance or whatever, it’s him doing something I didn’t like. It was him messing up. But it was him that realised why and how he needs to sort it out. But I did seriously consider ending it because I felt and do somehow feel still, that his attitudes just don’t really match with my still very non-Japanese mind set.

ps. When he first came and I was pretty pissed off still, one of the first things I said was; “TBH you’re just being a racist twat imo. IF that’s how you feel then maybe you should never date a white girl anyway. Why are you even with me, because you totally just don’t get it!”

I swear it looked like he was about to cry.

Feb 22, 20111 note

aww, hun. that whole situation blows! honestly, he doesn't sound like he's worth it, but i know firsthand how stupid us girls can act when we're in love... giving second chances and all that... good luck with everything and keep us posted! and i also wanna bitch at the anon who said withies will forever remain a shameless secret and white guys can get a j-wife if they're rich. first of all, white guys can get a j-girl if they are short, fat, ugly, balding and broke. i've seen it, and it's totally unfair. and while us white girls have it a bit harder, it's NOT impossible and i know girls that are married to japanese men, or have long-standing relationships with them. the thing with j-boys though, is that usually (the more traditional they are, the truer this is) they wont introduce you to their family, and maybe close friends unless they are considering getting married. i do still think your boyfriend made a totally dick move though, but you know.

Oh don’t mistake this as a second chance really, I shall explain. I’m still not letting it go as such, I’m just seeing how it’s going…

Tbh, that anon was quite offensive and really pathetic. I assume they’ve been blown off by a Japanese person and gained some issues along the way…?

In truth, I don’t think that the reason there are more Japanese girls married to White guys means that Japanese guys aren’t going for white girls. The difference is that, white guys are portrayed differently and some do act differently. Typically, some Japanese guys are still pretty sexist. Actually, a lot are still pretty sexist. When it comes to white guys, I’d say a lot are but there’s definately a stronger immergence of guys who hold the idea of equal rights. Not to say that Japanese guys don’t but the typical ideals in my country are different to Japan. Which can seem like a better thing than a Japanese guy right? Although, pardon my extreme stereotyping hah!!

I just think that, the idea of being with a white guy to a Japanese girl is more appealing, than say a Japanese guy to a white girl? Which is maybe the reason why that sort of thing happens?

I don’t go for traditional guys if I’m being honest and I don’t have great experience with guys who ‘do things properly’ because in short, it kinda bores me and is a little bit irritating. I like party boys who are into fashion and having lots of fun. We end up having lots of jokes together and I end up enjoying myself. They usually don’t give a shit which is why I end up liking them. I can’t stand guys who think too much about ‘how things should be done’.

Also, does anyone thing there’s more white guys in Japan than white girls? I’m not just talking army presence either, I mean like in general?

Feb 22, 20110 notes

Do Japanese guys like Southeast Asian girls? Yeah...really random question...

Well, I get questions like this in many different forms.

“Do Japanese guys like…… (insert ANYTHING here)”

It’s not that I get annoyed answering these sorts of questions but I feel like I’m pointing out the obvious.

Guys like girls.

Japanese guys like girls.

Some prefer white girls. Some prefer asian girls.

Some like skinny girls. Some like chubby girls.

Everyone has their own personal preferences, but most will probably not care about your race, eye colour, weight, height etc etc.

I have a preference for Asian guys. But I still like white guys, black guys and just guys who I find attractive in general.

The BF has never had a white girlfriend before, because he generally goes for Asian girls. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like me.

You get what I mean?

The answer. SOME DO. SOME DON’T. MANY DON’T CARE.

Feb 22, 20110 notes

I think Japanese people are so awkward when coming to show their feelings or their thoughts. They always want you to read between the lines, but they have to learn to say things straightforwardly especially if they're dating foreign people. In the same way we're adapting to them, they have to adapt to us. I think he should just suck it up and let you meet his friends already, I personally would be offended if he didn't and told me: Well it's a Japanese thing. Gosh i hate this response so much. I had a boyfriend who used this as a pretext a lot, so I started telling him: "well it's a foreign thing..." each time he didn't understand something about me, just to piss him off and I quickly stopped our relationship because I was doing a whole lotta of effort, and he was hiding behind his stupid excuses. Anyway, I think he is not really ready to change his mind, and thought a cake would be good (what for? I don't know), but it's quite weird he is acting this way in a foreign country? I think maybe he can change if you talk a lot more, but you are his girlfriend and the last thing you're supposed to be is an embarrassment.

I totally agree. I’d say stereotypically, they are culturally brought up to not fully express their true feelings. Which for me, was the most frustrating thing being in Japan. I’m not fluent, nor am I close to being fluent. I can hold conversations and I’m friends with non-english speakers but it doesn’t mean that when it came to, hints, I understood. It’s confusing. I’d get confused with plans. I’d get confused with their opinions or their ideas. I sometimes couldn’t even tell if they wanted to do something or not. I was pretty much in a state of confusion because of the Japanese way to not fully express themselves.

My boyfriends is seemingly pretty stereotypical. But, what makes it harder for me is all this lack of understanding of when he expresses what he’d say in Japanese into English literally.

In Japanese you can say “Chotto…” and I will understand.

In English you can say “Well… umm” and I will reply with “Well.. what?”

So when the main language we speak is English and I probe further with why? He just says what I want to hear. I really don’t understand it. I will never understand the Japanese idea of hiding your feelings.

Not every guy is like this. Band Boy, Rui, Gyaruo and other boys understood that I wasn’t Japanese and they had to accept that. It didn’t mean treating me differently as such, but taking into consideration, culture is different and we both needed to adjust. There’s some things I change to make it work and I expect the same back right?

Otherwise, the culture difference is just going fuck you over. I think that’s one thing he needs to realise pretty soon.

Feb 22, 20110 notes

I actually started writing about the Asian night I went to when I got a knock on my door.

“COME INNNN”

and in walked the BF, which tbh was a massive shock considering he hadn’t bothered to talk to me since friday morning and it was now sunday night.

We spoke and I guess it’s not sorted, but I’m calmer.

We are still together and full details of what happened when we spoke and the Asian night out will come within the next few days. It’s just getting late and I didn’t expect such a reaction of messages. But it’s nice to know I can get so many opinions on situations because it’s kind of awkward telling many people who you are close to on your relationship problems you know….?

Anyway, details soon guys.

Goodnight x

ps, he brought me cake? Does that help?

Feb 20, 20110 notes

don't you regret deleting his number just a tiny little bit? I'm the same as you, I also deleted some numbers in similar situations but after some time I regretted doing it in some cases. I mean if I had to introduce my japanese boyfriend to my medium-close-friends it would be terribly terribly awkward. But that doesnt justify what he did. He should have told you about the party and that he doesnt want his friends to feel awkward. It's even worse cause you speak japanese really fluently i think. But at on the other hand, I would feel so weird if I had to introduce some random friends to my boyfriend. Not becuase I'm ashamed of him, just because my friends wouldnt really know how to talk to him and stuff like that. So the CONCLUSION: See him, tell him your feelings and that you think its kind of racist what he told you and then you can save his number again. and if he's being a dick about it, you never have to type that number again.

Don’t get my wrong, I didn’t delete his number because I didn’t want to speak to him ever again hah!! He’s my boyfriend. He SHOULD text me when he knows I’m in a mood.

My logic is… I was going out drinking. I was going to get drunk. I was angry.

I didn’t want to start angry drunk texting because well in short, I can be a really nasty bitch.

I didn’t want to ignite the already fragile situation we were in. Although my friend did text him on my behalf after talking to my friend about him… “Loser”. Oh dear.

My friends have his number if I really need it. But he should be texting me at some point anyway.

But that’s the point. I’ve done introduced him to my friends and family, which in short has likely made them feel uncomfortable at the start. They probably felt a little awkward to start with. But they are my friends, they should respect that he is an important part of my life and they should be making and effort for me. I expected the same back, you know? It’s always a little weird at first, german,french, english, japanese or other you know? No matter the race. So … they should suck it up, same as my friends do.

I’m not asking for random friends, I’m talking his close friends in university. I don’t want to meet everyone but it would be nice to socialise with his close friends with him sometimes, you know?

Feb 20, 20110 notes

I know it's not my place to say, but yes he's being awfully racist! The greatest audacity is that he's being racist to you in YOUR own f*ucking country. I mean how small minded does one have to be to think like that? Instead of trying to understand the culture he's visiting, he's expecting for people to adapt to him?! Give me a break! He should have stayed on his little smallminded island then. And to the spitefull anon who went all on about how whites are nothing but a shameful secret to a japanese bf/gf/spouse: Bite me! Again I know it's not my place, and I don't know the whole story, but I just had to blow this fuse...

Dear anon, you took the words out of my mouth.

This. Exactly.

Feb 20, 20111 note

wow! I can't believe it he' such a douchbag! I mean i live in Japan and i know how some of them feel that we are inferior to them and want the" white girl experience" but seriously you'll find someone much better who will accept you for who you are!!! The guy im "seeing" invited me to his university graduation to introduce me to all his family!! So there is hope and not all japanese guys are jerks...!!頑張ってね（＾０＾） There are plenty of guys in Japan..you should come back ASAP and in the mean time just have some fun and enjoy your life don't let that jerk bring you down.

Well I’d met gyaruo’s family and another guys family who I met during the start of my stay in Japan. No one else had problems introducing me to their friends, band boy etc so I just don’t understand.

Oh good luck with meeting his family!!! ^^ !

He has been a jerk and he knows he has. Our time together is limited so I suppose I’m going to try overcome this and enjoy what time we have together. But if this is an issue again it’s game over?

I want to come back, don’t worry, I will be back hah!!!

Feb 20, 20110 notes

I think he's acting like a dick and you made the right decision. But I also think you should explain it all to him so he knows exactly why he fucked up and he can grow up a little. Us guys are pretty slow on things, especially regarding other peoples feelings. Then you should finish with, "By the way, tame the jungle. Its like a forest down there and its scary." =Ransom

I did explain to him fully why I was angry.
He didn’t make it better but kept making more and more excuses for his actions, tbh he made a massive mountain out of a mole hill. The whole thing was blown out of proportion because of his actions afterwards.

We aren’t breaking up it seems but HAHAHHHH! I love your end line. Swear, you’re amazing. x

Feb 20, 20110 notes

hi there, well I have to say I love your blog, even thought we have different opinions about some things. Sex is one of the things, I actually don't want to have sex until marriage, it's not about religion, but because I just don't feel like having sex with a whole bunch of guys that I'm not sure about them really loving me or me loving them. I'm also the really shy type of girl and guys tend to intimidate me, nevertheless I'm really sociable when I want to. I'm planning to go live in Japan and Japanese guys, well they are my type, especially the more traditional but still outgoing ones. But with all the stuff I wrote above, I'm not sure if I'll be able to have a boyfriend over there. Will the fact that don't having sex + being quite shy will lead them to not go out with me? Sometimes I really admire you for being so confident in all the stuff you do with the guys you were with. But I'm the quite innocent type since I seriously lack of experience in the love field, and it just tournaments me I'm afraid I'll get hurt :( Also I'm taking Japanese courses to be able to speak decent Japanese when I'll get there to make the communication easier (even thought I think it will remain hard for me to talk comfortably)

I think in any country, it’s possible to meet the right person for you. Being shy obviously makes things a little bit harder if you are both shy, but as you start to know someone I think you can always overcome that feeling. Just be open to experiences and have fun and I’m sure someone will come along. Try not to feel intimidated by guys, they aren’t that bad. Just be careful not to get played by some guys, I feel if I wasn’t so cold hearted, I would of been hurt so many times in the past.

Good luck, try meeting guys through means such as work, friends and classes instead of clubs and bars, you’re less likely to be played. ^^

ps. Any guy who has an issue with your experience or choice on sex is a dick and not worth it anyway.

Feb 20, 20111 note

Have you considered that he may be pursuing someone else? He may not have cheated at this point, but he does seem to be avoiding you in particular.

I mean, to be fully honest, I don’t think he’s going after anybody.

I don’t think that’s the issue, at all.

He’s just being a dick for no reason, he’s not avoiding me… just making an issue about me and him being together around HIS friends. I mean, we went the Asian party together and I met a lot of people he knows, but of my own accord.. there was no introduction because I spoke to them myself so that doesn’t count at all!

Theres some people I do feel slightly paranoid about tbh though. Not that I think he likes them, but they have been in many close situations together and I feel something may have happened. But before this situation, I had complete trust. Now I’m trying to find reasons to why it’s such a big issue….

Feb 20, 20110 notes

Have you fun with the Japanese guys if you want, but don't think you'll be more than a secret and shameful amusement. Ask your white male friends (although they are sometimes able to land a spouse from the fringes of Japanese society if they have a sufficient bank account).

I don’t consider that I will end up with someone who considers me secret or shameful. I’ve been seeing guys who’ve never been ashamed to introduce me to their close friends. This for me, is so shocking because his ideas and thoughts are so seriously out fucking dated.

I have friends who are happily married to Japanese guys and they aren’t Japanese or Asian at all. Neither are they in possession of a massive bank account fund.

Sorry Anon but you lack knowledge.

Sometimes people just end up loving each other, regardless of race or colour. OMG I KNOW?

Feb 19, 20111 note

Wow you are so better off without him!! I can'y believe he would be such a dick about it? I wonder if he realize how racist that is... I'm not you and I feel offended!!

I wondered if I’m making it sound racist or if that’s how it really come across. To me, I took it quite racially.

I mean, I’m not any stranger to ‘japaneseness’. Overall, it happens. They have weird notions on how superior they are to other races which amounted from nowhere with no basis of truth. The same way when a white person says “Konnichiwa” and they are greeted with praise of WELL DONE OH WOW SO GOOD! but as soon as they start to become fluent, people tell them how they will never ‘understand’ Japan. IT’s a load of bullshit and yes I’ve experience that. AND YES, it offends me, but I take it on the cheek.

However, I don’t expect my boyfriend to share that same ideology. My majoring in English boyfriend. I don’t expect it, or am I willing to put up with it.

Feb 19, 20110 notes

BLECH! I HATE pubes too. I guess it's a western cultural thing? And I know, after clean-shaven being 'in' for so long, supposedly 'bush' is coming back. I. Cannot. Do. It. One thing I was thinking of - in terms of western vs. eastern ideas on pubes: I assume most Japanese people have all-black pubes? If I HAD to have a bush, I guess I'd prefer all black, and fine. Like a lot of ethnically European women, I have naturally dirty-blond, light brown hair. I think dishwater-color, or lighter pubic hair is especially gross. NOT a pretty patch of hair. I wonder where the cultural association between 'shaved' and sluttiness came from in Japan? I mean, I guess in the west the shaving trend might have been influenced by porn, but we don't think that there's anything 'shameful' for regular women to do it? Confusing...

I’m not really too sure where it came from and I’m not sure about pube colour either.

All the japanese guys were black but then at same time, all the white guys were pretty black or dark brown..

I’ve never seen blonde pubes tbh, which sounds kinda strange because I’ve slept with blonde guys….

I think the shaving in the west was influenced by porn and then girls idea of it being cleaner and nicer.

But I think natural is all in when it comes to Japan for… a reason I don’t know.

I may spend a night googling it and making an entry of information :P

Feb 19, 20110 notes

“So, let’s keep us separate then. I wouldn’t want to make your friends feel uncomfortable, obviously”

“Ok, sorry then”

Yes. Sorry then? Thanks.

I’m going out tonight, another Asian night. I’m going to dance around and have lots of fun. Fuck your stupid little party. I consider the ‘white’ people you like to be losers anyway. Exchange students are generally losers too. I need to get back to Japan and hang with some gyaruo, shop staff and models snap sharp!

The BF’s number = deleted.

Extreme?

I’m not letting my skin colour be an issue in any relationship, because ultimately, that’s what it seems to be from him. I’ve not even gone into detail about some of the things he wrote as explanations to me, but ultimately it seems it’s because I am a white girl and he is a Japanese guy.

Feb 19, 20111 note

Conflicting Cultures?

I’ve never been one to feel like there has been an obvious culture difference between guys I’ve dated / fucked / been seeing etc…

However, a recent argument with the BF is making it clearer evident that my ‘whiteness’ and my ideas of what’s normal and isn’t is clearer different from ‘Japanese People’.

I can’t remember if I mentioned on here that I was starting to feel a little bit weird that he didn’t seem like he wanted to introduce me to any of his close friends. I was starting to gain a little bit of a complex about it but when I met a few of them the other week, I thought it was finally at the stage where he was going to start letting me in. Although looking back, my attendence seemed a little bit of a forced appearence as opposed to a welcome invitation from him. It was the only day I had free for about a week. So either include me or don’t see me for a while, you know?

But, I guess I was wrong. He started telling me how he’s having a party and named a few Japanese people and then two guys in my university course who are also, ‘white’. This wasn’t a Japanese party evidently and then he started telling me about how fun and nice it will be. Cue my invitation right….? No. I was not invited.

Later that night, a guy who both know asks me if I’m going to my BF’s party…
I reply saying how I wasn’t invited. It wasn’t until this point, I realised how hurt I was. It had been bugging me all day but to have his friends expect me to be going but my BF not wishing to extend that invitation made me feel like shit.

When we got home, I asked about it. He invited me, but he did it sarcastically, reluctently and tbh he was kind of mean about it too.

“Well, it’s a Japanese thing, I don’t want my friends to feel uncomftable with you there”…

How so?

“Because it’s a Japanese thing, I don’t want to force them to have to speak English because of you.”

And…… the other non-Japanese speaking people???

“Well, *** and *** wanted to invite them so we asked them too come. They want foreigners to try their food.”

One’s that don’t include me, because I make your friends feel uncomfortable.

After further discussion about it yesterday, anything he says just continues to make me feel worse. It’s a Japanese thing, he doesn’t want to make his friends uncomfortable etc

I’m actually considering ending it if I’m being honest.

I try my hardest to incorporate into my friends nights out and parties. Yet, I am not offered the same in respect to his life because my lack of ‘Japaneseness’ might just make others feel weird hanging out around me.

Why should my own Boyfriend make me feel so unwanted in his own life.

Fuck the fact I can hold conversation in Japanese.

Fuck the fact I’ve been to Japan.

Fuck the fact he’s met every single person I consider important in my life.

No, because I’m white and I’m not Japanese and I’m just ‘not getting it’.

Culture difference? Fuck off.

You’re just a dick.

Feb 19, 20110 notes

Bitch better back off!

Asian nights in Europe are full of Chinese people, Asians who like other Asians and lots of Asian fetishists who want to lay an Asian boy/girl.

I went with a few friends and the BF, the night was pretty creepy man free. Except for the odd creeper and guy trying to dance with me, it was nice having the bf there to wade off all un-wanted attention.

Him and I were standing near the bar as I just got myself a drink and as I was replying to a text message next to him, he was holding my drink. I finished texting and some girl was talking to him.

I mean, she wasn’t just talking to him. She had her finger gently stroking underneath his chin and leaning right into him while she spoke in his ear. I gave her a snotty look and took my drink from his hands and inter-twined my hand into his.

She leaned over to me and very abruptly. “SO… is that your boyfriend I take it?”

I glanced, giving her a superficial smile. “Yeah, sure is..”

“Congratulations”

and with that, she left.

Thanks and take your Asian fetish away with you….

I saw her later telling some people about some nickname of her’s the resembled something that sounded Japanese. Oh yes and she used “-Chan” afterwards of course. You know, the fake names to cover up you’re obvious non-japaneseness. Well done.

Feb 18, 20113 notes

That awkward moment where you’re in a room with 5 guys.

Then you realise you’re fucking one of them and fucked another two of them….

I mean, noticing you’ve fucked 60% of the people in the room with your boyfriend sitting next you just feels weird.

Plus, I can’t stop thinking how actually gorgeous Dub is and always will be. I would tap that shit soooo badly.

Feb 17, 20110 notes

Post 599!

So I’ve actually not been up to much recently to be honest, but last night was Valentines day!!

Last week I met my boyfriends friends, finally. It was starting to make me feel a little strange that we’d been dating officially for over 2 months and met back in October, yet I’d still not been officially introduced to many people that he considered himself close too. So a night in Japanese company was ok, I managed. He let out some inside jokes and made me feel a bit embarrassed and I was confused at times but I’m just quite happy that I was invited along. That I was finally included within his circle of friends, that they know who I am and why he likes me.

So with this in time for valentines, I feel a lot closer to him. Which is a good or bad thing, I’m not sure.

He got my jewellery which is always a safe option considering that I love to make sure I’m always slightly accessorised. (I think I made that word up?). But it’s also a nice keep sake.

No sex. It’s the start of my time of the month because mother nature hates me and he’s not forceful enough to get sex at this point. I think the last time may have traumatised him slightly hahhh.

Overall, I’m resigning to the fact that he leaves in around 4 months now and our short lived romance will come to a close.

Feb 15, 20110 notes

The Salaryman, The Yakuza and The Host Boy.

2月 2011

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