Just to clarify I don’t really like that I end up resorting to little games with boys. 

Why can’t everyone just say how they feel and what the think and make things simple. If they did, I’d never turn into a psycho bitch that I do.  

Northern boy is still playing mind games. I was out with BFF the other day and she was really baffled as to why I like this guy because of some of the dickish shit he says. And i thought actually, he is being a dick lately. He’s saying shit that’s less sweet and more insulting as time goes on. 

Last night he text me saying how he wanted to be together and give it a try and how he wanted it to just be me and him and no one else. I woke up to this massive speech on how much he wants to be with me. I was like if you weren’t drunk I would be all over it, and he said he wasn’t drunk. I ended up falling asleep but then in the morning, it’s like he wanted to forget he even said it. I told him this sort of thing was messing with my head and that he needs to fuck off with these mind games. 

His response was that he didn’t know what he wants and he can’t decide what he wants to do. I kept saying he needs to decide because it’s driving me crazy and I don’t know how much more I can actually take of it. He told me to give him some space!

As we stopped talking he told me to text him, to which I said you text me after he was finished. It got like an hour later and I was like, you’re taking your time. He said he was watching TV. Just not texting me like he said he was going to. I said something about what happened to you texting me eh? 

His response was meh.

My reply was cool.

I’ve decided I’m going to ignore him for the whole of the day, see how much space he likes. 

It’s around lunch time and I’ve received 7 messages so far.
Dick.  

I’ve never had a guy directly say to me ‘you need to loose weight’, except my psycho ex who said his ex was a model and I need to stop eating so much. Needless to say we broke up and I did loose weight for myself. 

It’s sort of a knock on effect of their behaviour that begins to effect me.

Although, I am starting to question if he is actually worth my attention since he implied I was too fat, and when I was joking about losing weight, he said you should and then you’d be my ‘type’. I was like, I’m never going to be sickly thin. His reply was “I guess we will never be then”.

Although he’s not directly saying, you need to loose weight.
He is saying indirectly and I don’t need that shit.

But maybe it’s for the best that I slowly start to think he’s a dick. 
Doing anything for the benefit of someone else, when it effects you negatively is never a good thing and I guess I don’t intend on doing so. 

Saying that, I’ve lost 4lbs since the other week.  

p.p.s 

Northern boy fucking loves mind games, I can tell.  

I totally had an STI scare. 

I thought I had thrush, but then it was sooo fucking bad. I was sure it was something terrible. I’ve never had anything wrong with my downstairs area before, like not even irritation really. Well except the after sex friction burn/ bruises. 

But I had full blown gross discharge, it was swollen twice the size, hurt like a little bitch and started to get a rash. I was freaking the fuck out.

I just got back from the clinic and turns out I have some sort of skin condition. I had to flash my gash to various people, and eventually the specialist came in because I shown no symptoms of any sexual infection. So yeayyy! 

Just waiting to see if I’m HIV ridden now.

I should also start using condoms like, all the time.

I also learnt that I have a tilted cervix and that’s why it hurt so much to have the clear thing shuved up me, they usually use the smaller one but I got the proper one today and OMG I was near tears, fuck that! 


ps, BEN STOP FUCKING READING THIS YOU FILTHY SLAG, SURPRISED YOU’VE NOT GIVEN ME AIDS!  

ohh-fuck-theres-clowns:

Isn’t he handsome. <3

Personally, not really. 
The worst that happened to me is they took away my pills, that are for medical use, and I totally freaked out that I didn’t have them if something happened and I couldn’t explain to them that they weren’t recreational drugs lol. I had a panic attack and passed out. But you know, that was just me, not exactly them. 

When I went to a host club with a few friends, my friend at the end said that the host wouldn’t stop touching her and kept trying to put his hand up her dress to finger her and wouldn’t stop even though she kept pushing him off. Which is pretty bad sexual harassment.

But that’s all. 
 

when northern boy did come over to stay with me for a few days we didn’t act like friends. He kept telling me that he could never please girls with sex and that he’s only good at other things. So I was expecting some really poor skills. 

but god damn no. I can’t even be bothered to go fully into detail but it all felt so sexually compatible. You get people that the sex just all falls into place right away, and I mean it’s different to having good sex. It’s just so effortless and you just feel so passionate about it all so easily. Well yes, I felt very compatible together. 

So we fucked, he has top notch fingers that made me moan so loud I’m pretty sure my house mates got to hear. Then when his cock was sore from too much sex, he used my tops on me. All in all, I was pretty sore after the weekend hah! 

It was kind of strange, when he left to go home which is up north what a surprise :P! I felt so fucking sad, like unbelievably sad, even more sad than when my EX left for Japan. Which was all a little bizarre. I want to be with this guy, like officially, but I totally know it would fall apart in a few months time as I leave. 

I also don’t think he has the same idea, I mean he did at one point say to me that he had intentions of being with me even though it was stupid but I kept saying it wouldn’t work and then I ruined it by getting with other guys too. Now I just wish I’d kept my mouth shut, because I guess I didn’t expect myself to want to go against logic because I’m quite a logical person. 

I also thought about fucking other people before he came, you know like thought we’d spend the weekend together and then after he goes I’d fuck B or someone else when I’m home, but that sort of urge has gone. As in, I just want to go and see Northern Boy and spend time with him, like an absolute fucking soppy little bitch. 


God damn.  

I’ve got a little bit of back log since I’m giving a brief update on B even though the last time we fucked was like, two Saturdays ago. 

Again, it was alcohol infused. I actually don’t remember the night very well or the sex very well. I know I was sick when I got home and I know he helped me pee in some alleyway, oh the class. 

I don’t remember if it was good or not, I just remember shuving my dildo up his ass like a beast ha! I don’t really know what compelled me to do so…

Either way I felt so rough the day after, and when the boy I’ve been talking about who I feel like I’m cheating on but we aren’t together called. Again, guilt. I told B to shut up and not talk while I took the call. (I’m going to refer to his as northern boy from hence forth ha) I felt bad talking to him and he was like, you got with someone didn’t you, you’re being weird. I said I kissed someone else and he was like, I really think we just need to be friends. BLAH.